Introspection: Necessity or Passion?


I pushed my phone off the bed as my ever trusty alarm went off by 5am.

‘It can’t be morning already’, I groaned in protest as I placed a pillow over my head and instantly went back to sleep again.

‘Uju’, dad called out, ‘aren’t you going to work today?!’

‘I am’ I responded part mutter, part hiss. In a quick motion, I tossed the pillow off my face and flipped to my back staring at the ceiling.

Casting furtive glances at my wardrobe, I wondered what I was going to wear to work, while halfheartedly paying attention to the honks of vehicles of the early risers who I believed were in a hurry to beat the traffic already building up on the highway. It didn’t matter; I could always catch the bus afterwards.
With a sigh, I asked myself the same question that had plagued me for weeks now, ‘Why am I doing this?’

Some 592 days ago, fresh out of school, I walked into the labor market filled with expectations. I had a list of everything I wanted my place of employment to be:
1. Fun. A place I wouldn’t mind spending long hours working, with nice friendly colleagues.
2. Challenging and Competitive. Because nothing fuels your drive like healthy competition.
3. Educative. I aim for bigger things, and having smarter people to learn from would be a huge plus.
4. Paycheck. Oh that has to be pretty decent.
5. Social. Inasmuch as I’m a closet introvert, I do like to communicate with people. It’s all about networking.
6. Happy. This is the ultimate goal. Looking back and being proud of your life’s work.

I had it all worked out—in my head at least. So armed with a degree, dream and passion, I was set to take on the world. I submitted application letters to various industries—telecoms, consumer goods, banks, audit firms. For months I tried and nothing gave. Then gradually I sunk into depression like many others before me had; like many others after me would.

I figured I’d give it one more shot, and I did. So here I am a year and three months after asking myself, ‘why am I doing this?

‘Well, you were bored with being at home while all your friends went to earn a living daily’ I said to me.

‘But why this?’ I asked again, ‘why not telecoms? You had an offer there.’

‘Yeah, I had an offer AFTER I had this offer’. It took so long, but it would have fit if I had just decided to go there rather than stay.

‘Why then didn’t you go?’

‘Because this had better prospects in the long run’. There I said it. This here was really the summation of why I had chosen to be an auditor and not a Call Centre agent, or Administrative Assistant of some sort. At least that is what I thought. Now I wonder, could I have been wrong about everything?

Life is difficult without guidance.

I’m stuck day after day groaning at each blast of a car horn indicating daytime. It’s not that I hate my job, No far from it. I do it quite well and it almost perfectly fits my list. My Co-workers are great; I meet people on a daily(or monthly) basis; I’m learning fast and competition’s healthy—by this I mean ‘not choking’. But it seems I missed out on the ‘Happiness’ bit. I’m not happy, I am just bored brainless. Have any idea how annoying it to spend every single day of the week doing the same things? It’s death I tell you. I could walk-through this routine with my eyes close.
Don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there’s nothing more boring than constantly following a pattern. It’s no wonder people try to break away from tradition.

Tradition is boring. Patterns are boring. No spontaneity? BORING.

I believe there are people called to fill a particular spot in certain industries, but now I feel I may have been in a hurry to take this. I’ll also place my bet on a good 50% of employees doing jobs they’d rather not be engaged in.
It’s just a messed up economy we find ourselves, where we choose our career paths based on the availability of opportunities to grow and excel; while those brave enough to fight against the odds choose to go with their passions.

Passion trumps Necessity. I know that now.

If I have a chance to make things different, I will take it. This I’m sure of.

29 thoughts on “Introspection: Necessity or Passion?

  1. lols..move close to your place of work, that should help your wake up time.

    the grass is always thought to be greener on the other side..but be glad you choose the auditor’s job to a ccr which is more of a same routine bn polite to rude customers and lowest paid people in telecoms.

    my advice is when starting a job have an escape plan like the number of years you would stay there before getting another job and your own improvement(certifications or trainings).


  2. Nailed it! Tradition is boring. I think that totally wraps up why I’ve changed so much in my life. And it’s usually not that I hate what I’m doing, people often say to, “oh, Why did you change, I thought you loved that”. I just get bored. Thanks so much for this read, it’s like you wrote it fir me!


  3. Ahem! Er, if you have some place you wanna get, you might have to run through a lot of boring country or face mind-numbing scenery like endless flat lifeless clouds to get there. Passion is what gets you from Point A to Point B. You may not care anything about Point A, that does not matter, what matters is if you care enough about Point B to take the “lifelessness” or “pointlessness” of Point A.
    Basically, whether you’re enjoying your job today or not is not as important as whether you have some bright thing to look forward to which you will get to by passing through your job. All of us have that. Even those who drop out of school had to endure a part of it until the time for pursuing the next phase ripened, same with leaving your job, same with every scary crisic move.
    So, figure out where you wanna get and study your present situation and see how it links up to that end. If you see a link, I’ll bet you get inspired enough to even enjoy it. If you don’t, I’ll bet you find the courage to move on. Whether you’ll exercise the courage or not though remains to be seen, that’s all your prerogative, baby.
    Cheers. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m beginning to feel like a parrot, liking everything Tyrion says, but why reinvent the wheel?

        Just a small (original?) thought. There is something called financing your passion. Either you do it, or your parents/spouse/friends do it for you. That boring day job will pay the bills, while you are working on your exciting night job that doesn’t (yet) bring in cash. And then one day, maybe you’ll leave the day job and focus on the night job. Or you’ll discover that night job A isn’t all you thought it was, and start night job B. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Ugh! This made me realize how guilty I am of raising my kids to have a “fallback” career in case they cannot “earn money from their actual passion. And I always tell them to make it practical. I’ve even DIScouraged my daughters from acting/singing/dancing because “nobody earns a living from that kind of thing.” I tell them to just make it a hobby. That’s really sad. This was great for me to read tonight!!


    1. It’s difficult to ignore your source of income, but in the grand scheme of things we would be happier doing what we are passionate about.

      I don’t that i am brave to pursue mine yet though. I kinda like playing safe.


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